Mark Wilson: Never Let Down

7 Days of Terror: Candyman

October 25, 2008 · 2 Comments

Candyman appears to be a typical slasher film. It is much more than typical. Candyman’s ultimate success lies in its psychological aspects.

In Candyman, a young college student explores the urban legend of a killer known as the Candyman. Her research leads her to the Cabrini-Green housing project, one of Chicago’s roughest neighbourhoods.

What did I learn from Candyman?

  • VIrginia Madsen may have been insane
  • George Mason from 24 has always been bald
  • bees are freaky
  • Tony Todd rules
  • paintings of giant heads are cool
  • Viriginia Madsen is extremely hot

Do I recommend this film?

Yes. It rules. You should watch this movie because I said so. Do it now!

Watch the trailer here:

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8 Days of Terror: Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday

October 24, 2008 · 5 Comments

After Jason took Manhattan, it looked like the Friday the 13th franchise was dead. The series had sunk to an all-time low. New Line picked up the series and decided to send Jason to hell. And the ending of the film hinted at a possible confrontation between Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees.

What did I learn from Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday?

  • Steven Wiliams went from 21 Jump Street to a bounty hunter looking for Jason
  • Wilma from Buck Rogers would appear in this film and then disappear from the face of the planet
  • Freddy wanted a piece of Jason
  • tabloid TV shows love Jason

Do I recommend this film?

Yes. It’s not a great entry but this film took the Friday the 13th series in a new direction. It’s the only Friday the 13th film made in the ’90s so it’s worth checking out.

Watch the trailer here:

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9 Days of Terror: Scream

October 23, 2008 · 1 Comment

Scream was the film to reinvigorate horror films in the mid-’90s. It was a refreshing and energerizing entry into a genre that was quickly growing stagnant. It’s a blend of horror and comedy which connected perfectly with audiences.

In Scream, a small town is terrorized by a series of killings.

What did I learn from Scream?

  • Drew Barrymore’s bob haircut is weird
  • Mrs. Voorhees is the killer in Friday the 13th NOT Jason
  • Nick Cave’s music is awesome
  • Richard Gere likes gerbils
  • Wes Craven makes a cameo in Freddy Krueger’s sweater
  • Fonzie is still cool
  • motives are incidental
  • Skeet Ulrich is the poor man’s Johnny Depp

Do I recommend this film?

Yes. I love this film. Suck it.

Watch the trailer here:

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10 Days of Terror: I Know What You Did Last Summer

October 22, 2008 · 1 Comment

Following Scream’s success, screenwriter Kevin Williamson’s I Know What You Did Last Summer was a quick way to cash in on the growing teen slasher genre. Throw four up and coming stars into the mix and you have the perfect elements for a late ’90s teen slasher.

Four teens are out partying one night when they hit and presumably kill a man. They vow to take this secret to their grave until the next summer when the man mysteriously reappears for bloody vengeance.

What did I learn from I Know What You Did Last Summer?

  • Bridgette Wilson & Sarah Michelle Gellar are perfect sisters
  • Freddie Prinze Jr. is an awful actor
  • fishermen are crazy
  • the opening shot is a ripoff of the Lost Boys opening
  • Johnny Galecki was underused in this film
  • Hooverphonic is perfect for the soundtrack
  • mannequins are creepy

Do I recommend this film?

No. This movie hasn’t aged well. It is standard teen fare and doesn’t compare to Scream. The casting is responsible for a wave of bad slasher films.

Watch the trailer here:

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11 Days of Terror: Joy Ride

October 21, 2008 · Leave a Comment

Paul Walker, Leelee Sobieski, and Steve Zahn are stalked by a killer named Rusty Nail in this highway road trip thriller. Joy Ride isn’t a life changing film. Paul Walker is about as exciting as a pudding cup. Leelee Sobieski’s talents lie in the fact that she is basically a young Helen Hunt (which ain’t sayin’ a lot).

In Joy Ride, three young people on a road trip from Colorado to New Jersey talk to a trucker on their CB radio, then must escape when he turns out to be a psychotic killer.

What did I learn from Joy Ride?

  • the voice of the killer is Buffalo Bill (Ted Levine)
  • Eric Stoltz & Eric Roberts auditioned for the role of Rusty Nail
  • Paul Walker has to strip (something for the ladies)
  • CB radio is a sort of prehistoric internet
  • called Road Kill in the UK (those crazy Brits)
  • the car is a 1971 Chrysler Newport

Do I recommend this film?

Meh. Not really. I actually like Joy Ride but I can’t really recommend it. It’s not a solid thriller. Paul Walker & Leelee Sobieski aren’t great actors. Steve Zahn is good but doesn’t save the film. The killer is pointless and it’s pretty standard fare. Check it out if you liked the 2007 remake of The Hitcher (but if you liked that you have other problems to deal with).

Watch the trailer here:

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12 Days of Terror: High Tension

October 20, 2008 · 2 Comments

Alexandre Aja’s High Tension promises to scare the living hell out of you. The first time I watched this film, it was 2 in the morning with all the lights out and alone in my house. It didn’t scare the hell out of me but it had me on the edge of my seat.

In High Tension, two college friends, Marie and Alex, encounter loads of trouble (and blood) while on vacation at Alex’s parents’ country home when a mysterious killer invades their quiet getaway.

What did I learn from High Tension?

  • crazy guys like to get head from corpses
  • ’80s Italian disco songs rule
  • chicks dig reggae (boom chick a wow wow)
  • Alex is a pretty seriously kick ass chick
  • Marie has a huge mouth
  • you can decapitate a person with nothing more than a staircase and a clothes dresser
  • the film was known as Switchblade Romance in the UK for some unknown reason
  • there is a good chance that Aja ripped off the story from Dean Koontz’s Intensity
  • shot in Romania

Do I recommend this film?

Absolutely. This is one of the best horror films to be realized in the past decade. I’ve heard a lot of people bemoan the ending of the film but they can all go to hell. It’s a fucking horror movie! It doesn’t need to make sense (at least in this case). I’m really getting lazy with these reviews as the month goes on. Yikes.

Watch the trailer here:

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13 Days of Terror: Anatomie

October 19, 2008 · Leave a Comment

I felt like watching a German slasher movie. Anatomie was my choice. Anatomie is the story of Franka Potente and a bunch of German medical students who fall prey to a crazy German slasher.

What did I learn from Anatomie?

  • Franka Potente is cute
  • I like German movies
  • Antihippocratics were involved with Nazis
  • there’s a Paul Weller song in the film so that’s a good thing
  • there’s a sequel to this film, it’s not so hot but has an Oasis song so it’s not too bad
  • if you’re still reading this, I’m totally slacking on this post
  • I’m not even trying on this one because I’m too lazy
  • cut me some slack, I’ve been doing this for almost 3 weeks
  • you don’t like it, suck it

Do I recommend this film?

Yes. It’s an interesting film. Despite being a German flick, it’s a standard slasher film.

Watch the trailer here:

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14 Days of Terror: The Hole

October 18, 2008 · Leave a Comment

The Hole is an underrated gem. It’s not quite a horror movie but it’s creepy in so many ways. It stars Thora Birch, Keira Knightley (in her first major role), and Desmond Harrington.

The Hole is the story of four teenagers who are locked in an underground bunker in order to escape the dread of going to Wales for a school trip. What happens next is anyone’s guess. It’s a psychological thriller with enough twists to keep you guessing right up to the end.

What did I learn from The Hole?

  • I find Thora Birch far more attractive than Keira Knightley
  • I find Thora Birch far as a redhead than a blonde
  • Keira Knightley annoys the hell out of me
  • there’s full frontal nudity of several dongs (for the ladies)
  • there’s a topless shot of Keira Knightley
  • The Hole is not a porno
  • Thora Birch is a little crazy (I suspect she’s a little crazy in real life too)
  • rich kids are a bunch of dicks
  • one of the characters says you should take the rich kids down (which may or may not be a direct reference to Rushmore)

Do I recommend this film?

Yes. The Hole is an underrated gem. Most horror fans will appreciate elements of the film. The actors are well cast and give good performances. I highly recommend The Hole

Watch the trailer here:

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15 Days of Terror: Return of the Living Dead

October 17, 2008 · 2 Comments

Return of the Living Dead is a comical take on the zombie genre. It mixes horror & comedy well. In Return of the Living Dead, two buffoons accidentally release Trioxin gas into the air which causes the dead to rise. Mix in a group of punks & hilarity ensues.

What did I learn from Return of the Living Dead?

  • the zombie outbreak started accidentally in 1966 at the Pittsburgh VA hospital
  • the events of Night of the Living Dead are a true story
  • the gas which caused the outbreak is 2, 4, 5 Trioxin
  • send more parademics
  • watch your tongue if you like this job
  • dancing naked in a cemetery is cool
  • you mean the movie lied?
  • Tobe Hooper was originally slated to direct the film in 3D
  • 2 of the characters are named Burt & Ernie
  • the character of Ernie was a Nazi

Do I recommend this film?

Return of the Living Dead is a gem. Before Shaun of the Dead took a comical look at zombies, ROTLD was mixing humour into the zombie film. It’s a refreshing look at a genre that’s turned stale in the past few years.

Watch the trailer here:

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16 Days of Terror: Day of the Dead

October 16, 2008 · Leave a Comment

George Romero returns to his zombie series with 1985’s Day of the Dead. This is a much darker film than Night or Dawn of the Dead. The characters are unsympathetic & downright vile. It’s an interesting film to watch but is not as strong as Dawn of the Dead.

In Day of the Dead,  a group of scientists & military personnel are holed up in an underground bunker while the zombie apocalypse is slowly overtaking the outside world. In the bunker, one of the scientists is attempting to research the effects of becoming a zombie.

What did I learn from Day of the Dead?

  • Bub wants to read Stephen King
  • zombies like Walkmens
  • zombies can be trained when given rewards
  • Romero considers this his best film
  • zombies can talk
  • living in an underground bunker will drive you mad
  • all of the shopping malls are closed
  • they’re dead, they’re fucking dead

Do I recommend this film?

I do recommend this film. I don’t think it’s as strong a film as either Night or Dawn of the Dead but it’s highly entertaining. Gore fans will be pleased to see more gore in Day than Romero’s previous films. The story is a bit convoluted and the characters aren’t as easy to relate with as in the previous films. There was a straight-to-DVD remake of Day of the Dead that was released earlier this year. Avoid this like the plague. The remake is a sad attempt to cash in on the Dead name & nothing else.

Watch the trailer here:

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