29 Days of Terror: Teen Wolf

Next up in my little torture fest is Teen Wolf. Michael J. Fox plays Scott Howard, a typical teenage boy who transforms into a werewolf one day. Shenanigans ensue and Fox tries to come to terms with werewolf puberty. Followed by one of the worst sequels ever made.

What did I learn from Teen Wolf?

• every ’80s movie had to have a fat guy (in this case Chub)
• the popular girl gets turned on by wolves which means she totally digs bestiality
• van surfing is rad & not dangerous at all (I could totally do a handstand on a moving vehicle)
• Stiles wears some bitchin’ shirts throughout the film:
  1. Yellow shirt that says “Life sucks then you die”
  2. Blue “Obnoxious: the movie”
  3. Black “What are you looking at Dicknose”
  4. Gray “Drunken State Florida”
  5. Pink – no text
  6. Gray – unreadable
  7. Black – unreadable
  8. Hawaiian shirt
  9. White – “Wolf Buddy”
• the film was released after Back To The Future in Brazil & was given the title “Garoto do Futuro” (Boy From the Future) despite the fact this movie has nothing to do with time travel or the future
• you don’t need ID to get a keg of beer, you can just growl at the clerk
• the chick that digs on the main character is named Boof (what the hell kind of name is Boof?)
• the basketball coach is an asshole who says hilarious shit like, “There are three rules that I live by: never get less than 12 hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.”
• the basketball scene at the end of the film is ridiculously bad & set to the awesome song “Win In the End”
• a guy at the end of the film exposes his junk in the background

Do I recommend this film?

Yes. I love Teen Wolf. I saw it in the theatre in 1985. It’s most definitely NOT a horror film. It’s a typical ’80s comedy about an outsider trying to fit in and gain popularity. The wolf thing is an afterthought. It’s worth viewing if you like cheesy films. Teen Wolf was later spun off into a cartoon series which was quite terrible. One of the worst sequels of all time was released in 1987 starring Jason Bateman playing the fucking cousin of Michael J. Fox’s character.

Watch a quick clip of a guy exposing his junk in Teen Wolf:

Or watch the intro to the cartoon series: